Today, just a few minutes ago, I finished my online application for Social Security retirement benefits. I didn't think I would ever live long enough to reach this age (But I'm sure glad I did). It seems that it was just a few days ago that I was fighting off stage 4 lung cancer, which was followed by an attack of brain-eating bacteria (hence the lumpy hole in my skull where they scooped out the bad stuff), a fractured hip that left me with a limp, two cracked vertebrae that needed surgery, and a host of other minor plagues that descended after I hit the tender age of 59.
But in all, I am actually quite content to be looking back on that period of my life as one of serious change, a period that culminated in the death of my wife last October, 2008. Since then I feel that I have been given yet another chance and that God, for reasons I'll never understand, still wants me around. I know He has plans for my life and I firmly believe in the 11th step: "Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our concious contact with God.......praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out". I left out the part about "as we understood Him" because to me there can be no other way to understand the Lord of the universe and creator of all, except as the one, true God of our fathers, forefathers and founding fathers.
So that's where I am today and every day.....praying for that knowledge of that will. Maybe I'll never rise any higher than being the bass player in a small suburban non-denominational church, maybe I actually will cut my own CD (or I should get modern and say "Burn" instead) and watch it climb the charts (with a bullet!). Maybe I'll find another life companion, a mate and helper to share things with, the laughter and tears...who knows? Only God.
We'll see. It's all up to Him anyway, no?
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